I Judge Other Mums….

We’ve all seen mum shaming on social media, perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of it? There are campaigns galore promoting solidarity amongst mothers…. Stop fighting each other guys!!!! But…..

You wouldn’t gather a group of students or accountants or women in general together (or dads even if the accountant metaphor doesn’t cut it) and tell them they all had to get along… Why not? Because being an accountant isn’t the be all and end all of their existence, it’s just one of many roles they have…not the entirety of who they are! (The accountant analogy doesn’t work does it?).

Sure, being a mother is not just a job title, but it’s also not our only identity… I’m a geek, a wife, a marketing specialist…… a writer….. and it stands to reason I’m not going to get along with everyone…… I’m a 90s nostalgia geek, with a bit of Harry Potter fanage…. Tech geeks and quirky artistic geeks don’t get me……I’m not cool at all, and….I’m cool with that!! I’m never going to be part of the yummy mummy brigade…the same as I was never part of the ‘in’ crowd at school! I’ll find my own clique… Just because we are mums doesnt mean we should automatically be pals right?

Ok, so we aren’t friends, but that doesn’t mean I should judge your parenting decisions right? Perhaps I shouldn’t! But, shock horror, I do! And I’m calling any mother who says they don’t…
 If you think I’m the biggest bitch in the world for admitting this, then I’m about to go for the ‘queen cow crown’…..and tell you… I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing either….

Motherhood is possibly the biggest responsibility we will ever have. It’s a lifetime commitment of love, and actually it’s a frikkin’ big deal, that’s why, when I hear other mothers saying they never judge, I just don’t believe they can be truely that blasé about motherhood. Raising our children takes conviction. Every decision we make has a profound impact on how our little ones grow and develop in life. If you don’t have strong opinions on the ‘right’ way to raise a child, then I’d be seriously worried.

I certainly have very strong ideas and opinions….can you hand on heart say  you don’t?

So maybe I have these ideals, does that make everyone else’s wrong? Well yes, yes it does! Because my reality is different from yours, or your friends or Jane Doe muma down the street.

Ultimately I think parenting decisions can be plotted on two lines….. The extent you put your child’s needs before your own and the extent to which you think doing so is beneficial in their development. From baby led to parent led and all that’s in between…. No one (excluding Narcissistic and abusive parents) just wings the important aspects of parenting

Does this mean I’m free to mum shame? Wade in with my opinion without being asked? No of course not, but you won’t find me denying my judgement….. Ask me my opinion I will give it…. Along with my reasons…. I’ll also listen to yours… See what I can learn. Of course my opinions can change, in fact from Baby number one to number three my ideas and experience have altered. Not every child is the same…..

I can love and respect you….. but I can’t promise I won’t judge you…. A little bit!! I’ll also not be ashamed of thinking ‘hmmmm that wouldn’t be my choice’….. Because, I’m making darn sure I’m passionate in my parenting choices.

Feel free to judge me also…. I know you’re secretly doing it anyway… But, we can be friends still, providing you accept I’m an uncool geek!

11 Responses to “I Judge Other Mums….”

  1. I totally know what you mean. I shy away from giving my opinions about parenting issues, because of how strongly I feel about them and because I know that some of them are a little outside the norm and I don’t want to offend anyone. I always try to remember that everyone is in a different situation and dealing with their own issues and doing the best they can, and I hope that people think of that before judging me, because I’m far from perfect! What annoys me though is being judged for a legitimate parenting choice, like if you’re going to judge me, let it be for my grimy bathroom and the McDonalds that we had for tea tonight, not for the fact that we co-sleep…

    • Yes exactly! However, it’s easy for me to agree with you because your decision to co sleep is something we have done also….. It’s much harder to not judge when a topic comes up that goes against your own convictions on what is best for a child. I just dont think we should beat ourselves up when we have these thoughts or judgements…..

  2. I totally agree with you. I’m quite happy to say I judge others, just as I’m sure they judge me. I make the right decisions for us, others make what they think or know are best for them. I would only make suggestions if asked, and then usually share what worked for us. I’d not come out and judge in their face like some people do. But underneath, I’m quite often thinking ‘I wouldn’t do that’.

  3. I 100% agree with pretty much all of this. No matter how much we deny it, i think we’re all a little guilty of judging other parents and the way they choose to raise their children. I don’t think it’s always intentional or out of spite, it just seems to be part of society these days and we all have different ideals when it comes to parenting. xx

  4. I couldn’t agree more, i’ve judged close friends on their parenting decisions but i’ll keep my thoughts to myself and let them choose their way of parenting that suits them. It’s impossible not to be judgmental, it’s just knowing not to voice your opinion if it’s not helpful aha!

  5. parenting choices can be so emotive, I found with my first my husbands family had A LOT of opinions that differed wildly from mine! They’ve left me alone with my second though 😉 I think if we’re all honest there are definitely things we’d think internally ‘I wouldn’t do that!’ but I’m more than happy to let everyone else get on with their own ways of parenting x

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