Why I Cant Feel Empathy When You Lose Sleep

I know it’s not a competition….and, when it comes to the early days of parenthood I’m so down with not counting or comparing hours sleep but, having only had one, yes one, undisturbed night in two years (and that was 12-5am) I’m feeling more than a little resentful of complainers.

Although I’ve spoken before about how it’s ok ish to judge other parents. I don’t know if this is on par…. Or if I’m opening a can of worms to something far worse!!!


Yes everything is subjective, I fear a bottle vs boob debate coming on here with a bit of working mum vs stay at home mum thrown in for good measure….and I don’t know if I can stop it tumbling out my mouth…….. (re keyboard)

Bottle fed babies sleep through. No not all of them but in general the stats tell us that because milk is separate from comfort, a bottle fed baby is more likely to learn self soothing techniques early on. They may require a dummy and they may cry for a hug (this is the down side of my previous post) but, they don’t rely solely on a mother staying awake at their every beck and er cry from the day they were born to they day they wean.

When I see other mothers complaining about a few nights disturbed, I just can’t seem to empathise, and actually, I’m more than a little ashamed that I feel this way…..kinda, sorta…not sure

A tired frustrated mummy is not nice. And I shouldn’t see their suffering or struggle as an insult to my own but I really do! And, after two years of no sleep Im kinda done with being nice about it

I know this is selfish and crazy and more than a little judgemental

But TWO FUCKING YEARS! And you’re complaining about one night! Seriously?!

I do feel a bit of empathy if someone’s little one is ill, because I know that, that can be a heartbreaking time for Mums everywhere. Any complaint in this situation is not so much about those lost hours, but more their desire to see baby well and happy again. That I totally get!

I don’t have a choice but to work, I love my jobs but I have to stay up until stupid o’clock sometimes to get things done. Also remember, I fit all my work around the home and the children only outsourcing three hours a week (so it’s not like I have any less home responsibility than a SAHM)

So, if you bottle feed, don’t work and normally get a full nights sleep I can’t offer empathy when you have a few crappy nights. I know I should. But I can’t force emotions that aren’t there. I won’t apologies either because it wouldn’t be genuine.

Oh and I’d be very interested to know if anyone who’s baby is ebf on demand to natural weaning, has had a full night sleep in the first year….. Or ever for that matter

While I can just hear the sighs of ‘well, night wean then’ from those outside this small group of women, I strongly suspect you don’t realise how impossible that is for those strongly against any form of controlled crying.

I’m not changing what I do, because, I wholeheartedly believe this is the best thing for Nerg in relation to his health and attachment. I don’t regret my choice either but, that does not mean it’s an easy decision. In fact it’s one I revisit sometimes on a daily basis…. So my issue isn’t that I’ve pretty much survived on coffee and four hours sleep a night for two years, it’s that…. I see your complaints as the equivalent of #firstworldproblems….

I can’t be sorry that your pizza delivery man didn’t show up with your pepperoni and cheese. because I’m all too aware that some people in the world are starving.

3 Responses to “Why I Cant Feel Empathy When You Lose Sleep”

  1. My cousin just had a baby about a week ago and he is already crying about how much sleep they are losing and how tired they are.

    Don’t feel selfish or crazy, I think most parents (especially when comparing to previous non-parents) take a little offense to people who have one or two bad nights when they have had two plus years of bad nights.

  2. This post is so funny, but I often get the other side of the coin about sleeping issues while being parents, like: “my kid is such a great sleeper, he has let us sleep all night since he was six months old!”— come on!
    That my friend, can only be answered with an “I hate you and your kid” eye rolling action I like to give to some parents when talking about their “oh so great kid”…
    mine is awesom by the way!
    Great blog you have here

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