In order to be transformed into a yummy mummy meticulous research is required, Thanks to the joys of the internet, Wikipedia has done it for me
˜Yummy mummy is a slang term used in the United Kingdom to describe young, attractive and wealthy mothers
Hmmmm, clearly this experiment will be tougher than I thought. We dont own a Chelsea tractor, I dont even have a yummy mummy changing bag (but I kinda want one now)
Clearly if these women are wealthy one would assume they have a entourage of staff, I do not, therefore finding time in the day to put on my make-up, style my hair or go shopping for clothes is impossible… I decided the best bet here would be to cheat.
Creating the Yummy Mummy look
So I call my local nail salon, they dont have pushchair access and a full set of acrylics will set me back £25. I have fallen at the first hurdle! That £25 will keep me in cheap wine for a month, and pretty rubbish if I cant bring baby Roo with me, mind you, Im kinda relieved- Im pretty sure the idea that I can relax and be pampered while a group of women coo over the baby is nothing more than misguided idealism at best.
After work this morning (Im lucky enough to work from home) I get out the make-up box- I collect make-up. Its kind of like the times you buy a new canvas picture thinking it will look great when you finally redecorate the living room….. I buy a new eyeshadow thinking it will look great when I finally redecorate my face.
Thankfully I have discovered the most amazing make-up, Bare minerals is a powder foundation, it take all of 3 minutes to apply and covers every blemish without having that sticky heavy 3 layers of goo feel about it…..
Today however, I discover my wonderful daughter decided that ‘Barbie Doctor Doll, needed a make-over (I allow my daughter to have plastic dolls providing they are aspirational in some way). Bare minerals is down to bare essentials.
Last night I plaited my hair before bed (v little house on the prairie) I hope that today I will have beautiful curls and luscious volume which I can secure with a few bobby pins in a haphazard I-didnt-try-but-my hair-looks-fab kind of way. This morning I have a mess of frizz with a flat unmovable parting and straight ends (didnt plait far enough down). Crap! Thankfully I have a cheat for this also, hair pieces!!! Ive not taken care of mine, they look like dead rats in a box. I plait my hair on the side instead with fizz tamer and hair gel (that will be fun to brush out later)
Even I know its impossible to lose 2 stone in a week just for the purposes of a self-appointed assignment, so whats the answer here???!!!
Magic underwear!!
Im able to contain the baby (cake) belly with the following, a Belvia, Bridget Jones style knickers and, what is commonly referred to in our house when Im screaming to my husband before a night out as, the wheres-my-sucky-in-vest-top? Now, the three garments together actually do amazing job at taming the flab, if it wasnt for a, I cant bloody breathe and b, I cant bloody breathe. Neither can I breast feed in them. Its back to the drawing board while I feed the baby and consider my options. My husband by this point has left for work (he has the baby on Monday mornings) So its 11:30 am and I look like a grizzly bear with patchy make-up, nerve bitten nails and a body shoved into a toothpaste tube, thankfully no postman today! I revert to the jammies.
[…] Style Lux UK have invited me to join their official bloggers group and from this I can expect to receive various little items including control pants (wooo Bridget Jones) acne treatment and some pretty cool hair pieces…. This company seems to have been made for me right? (see following post). […]