I wrote such a long post on my Instagram about our visit to Lifton farm shop strawberry fields, that I completely forgot to add to the blog. Vlogging seems so much easier at the moment, filming our days out hardly interrupts (unless I’m talking to the camera). So by the time I get home, an hour of editing and boom, content!

Blogs on the other hand are slower, the written (or rather typed) word more laboursome to reader and author alike, are we perhaps becoming a generation of people who prefer information blasted out rather than time taken to read and savour? I’m certainly fast finding YouTube my new Google. But maybe that’s because I’m more visual?!

John Lennon wrote, ‘strawberry fields’ nothing is real. I mused on Instagram that maybe he foresaw the grid? The oddity of capturing every second for the world to either approve or disapprove of your life is one I’m slowly getting to grips with. For a long time it seemed to me that the more successful your life online, the less productive it is offline, However, as a self critical, analytical and self reflective control feak (ha) I’ve taken a few steps recently to address the balance between real and online family life. I’m putting the camera down more, although my content may seem like it’s increasing, that’s because I’m more productive. I have timetables and everything. Making sure I take time away from my phone, spend more time with the kids. I’ve edited things down….

The last thing I would ever want, is to be accused of being FAKE. I don’t ever want people to see this portrayal and think it two dimensional, branded, unrealistic and manufactured. Yet similarly I don’t want to share my every emotion (trust me you don’t want that either). If you were to flip through my childhood photo albums, they would fool you into thinking we lived a charmed existence, but of course there is always conflict beneath. For a long time I’ve been crippled with self doubt, second guessing who I am and if I’m even a nice person, but in capturing the beauty on-line I’m slowly finding myself better able to recognise it in my life. I find myself less negative, happier… and I’m becoming more grateful.

I’m also reflecting on my parenting more and more, sometimes I inadvertently capture an element I think I need to work on, maybe a tone of voice or a sibling dynamic…..but many times,  I see my children through new eyes as I run back through the footage, and I smile. I think actually, we are good. Life is good. And no John, nothing is real but these moments, my blog and vlog will one day be my legacy, my children’s memories, their strawberry fields! And I want them to always focus on the beauty.

I’ve spent enough time getting hung around the negatives. Who would have thought that social media, the one thing I and many other accuse of lowering self esteem would have the opposite effect on me for once.