Someone found my blog by searching for ‘Dawsons Creek’. I’m feeling proud, many of you will find this a bit strange, what sort of (not quite) 30 year old mother would have the entire box set on DVD? Surely she should have grown out of her Peter Pan complex, like Spielberg, long ago… I mean Katie Holmes isn’t the too tall girl from the other side of the creek anymore, she’s the woman who married Mr Cruise, divorced Mr Cruise, stayed silent in labour and takes her mini-me shopping right? She grew up… why haven’t i? But it’s not just floppy haired Dawson that graces my screen… It’s Buffy too. In fact, despite having a child and a home I wrote an entire dissertation on said slayer…. Perhaps its nostalgia, I’m not sure. But I thought I’d share with you some little confessions…. Things that I do that make me wonder if I’ll ever grow up… So often I have to remind myself I’m an adult…. I certainly don’t feel my age…

I still buy pick a mix

Yep that right, I get all excited when I see the stand, (white mice are my favs). On more than one occasion hubby and I have indulged in this treat…. Pretending it’s for the children, when really we stash it away and bring it out in the evening when the coast is clear…. We have to have one each, he’s into the whole gummy chews and I can’t be dealing with them.

I get excited for the postman

I know as a grown up, we are meant to dread the arrival of post, it signifies bills, but why is it I sometimes find myself planning my day around posties arrival? I know, for example, that he’s a bit later on a Monday, so I hold off the weekly shop until he’s arrived. Even if I’m not expecting some three-click late night Amazon purchase, I get that little thrill when I see his little red van pull up on our road. The children have picked up on this; the morning delivery is a cause for much excitement in our house… Although prying the water bill out of a toddlers vic-like grasp is a small reminder that I have real responsibilities….. Don’t get me started on the ice cream van!

I feel sorry for inanimate objects 

The thought of a teddy bear alone brings me to tears… No really. Big girl H has gone away on a school trip this week, and had to leave her beloved giant polar bear at home. I tucked him up in her bed this evening and I know it’s the perfect opportunity to give him a wash, but I feel kind of bad that he will have to go through that. We have a giant tub of plushies in the playroom and, each evening I carefully place any stragglers back inside, I’d never just chuck… Because that would be disrespectful…. And don’t get me started on when we have to have a clear out…. Those worn old bears have such pleading looks when faced with a bin liner.

I can’t make small talk

Sure, I can comment on the weather, but that’s really where it ends…. I’m not being rude… And although people must think I have a bladder issue (aside from the old pelvic floor) because I’m a self confessed loo-nipper, it’s really just that I can’t converse with strangers. I tend to mumble or say something which on later reflection was probably really lame or plain cringy…I’ve also perfected the art of using my baby as a shield…. You talk to me, I smile, pull a silly face at my child or start jigging him up and down… despite him not crying and looking at me like I’ve gone mad….. Once I got hiccups mid-conversation at a library mothers groups…. I never returned.

I bite my nails

Yes, I know it’s gross, I’m well aware it’s prob a sign of some deep-seated nervous disorder,,,, yet, the fact remains, in the evening, when all is calm, I’ve been known to trim them down. Pre the boys I used to have acrylic… But I’m slummy now, who has time for that shit? I mean, they would prob get chipped in a ‘calm down chair, I don’t want to, you’re so unfair kinda battle’

I use emojis all the time

Maybe it’s an inability to express myself…. But I love those little pictures…. More than a (not quite) 30 year old should…. I guess they’re there to ensure the recipient understands the intention and emotion behind your written words…. And I guess my love for them prob signifies that I’m too ambiguous…. Or rather sarcastic!…. Also, the fact I use them so much, proves that I spend far too much time online… In fairness, I talk to my sister every day….. Throughout the day…. Of course we don’t pick up the phone for a natter…. That’s far too grown up…. We also send each other selfies, which I guess if we were cool, would be done over snapchat…

I never write addresses down

I have several address books but that doesn’t stop me contacting people several times throughout the year for their location. If I remember birthday, or Xmas cards it’s never a surprise for the recipient because they’ve invariably had a message a few days before with an embarrassed and crazy face emoji asking them once again to tell me where they live.

Please tell me I’m not alone, I guess I thought that by the time I was 30 (still not quite there) I would have my shit together and be a proper grown up… I guess I’ll carry on biting my nails and pick a mix while watching Dawson’s of an evening, while chatting to my sister in pictures and avoiding new people…. Except the postman.